Two boilermakers.
Far away though I may roam, dear
Fill her up? Yeah.
Why don't you grab yourself off a skirt and have yourself a time?
Why don't you... Your beer's running over.
Home to the arms I hold dear
Home to the arms
of Mother
Safe from this world's alarms
That's where I spend each night in my dreams
Why don't they sing something gay?
Why don't you acquire a gay viewpoint?
It's all mental, every bit of it.
Smile, and the world smiles with you. Frown, and you frown alone.
I'd just as soon be alone, if it's just the same to you.
Gratitude.
By that vine-colored door
As you stood in the gloaming
to welcome me home
Home to the arms
of Mother
Never again
to roam
If you could shoot craps like you can shoot your mouth off,
you'd be the biggest breeze shooter this side of Hong Kong.
He's the two biggest! I was fading the guy.
How am I supposed to know the guy's gonna pass eight times?
You was fading the guy with our money!
Well, it was my money, too. We're partners, ain't we?
Especially now. Partners in the soup.
Yeah, no dough. Nothing to do.
If you wasn't so big, I'd take a poke at that dumb kisser of yours.
Why don't you try it, Mac? Save it for the Japs.
You shouldn't have faded so many times.
You gonna start now?
Give me one last 10 spot. I'll go back...
You had it, fancy fingers! "Give me one last 10 spot"!
Who do you think you're talking to? Morgenthau?
Never again
to roam
To roam
Where you going?
I got 15 cents. I held out on you.
Will you close the door, please?
Yes, gentlemen?
One beer. One beer?
One beer and no cracks.
Yes, sir.
Gonna share it or swill it all down by yourself?
Give me your elk's tooth.
Wait a moment. My old man gave me... Come on!
Come here.
You the manager? Yes, sir.
We're just a little bit short of cash, see,
or I'd never make you this proposition.
I was gonna save it for the museum, see,
but when you're out on a limb, you gotta make sacrifices, that's all.
You follow me? I'm ahead of you.
I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare.
You remember when General Yamatoho committed hari-kari?
Possibly. I happened to be very close by, see?
Big man, wasn't he? Immense.
This is one of the rarest mementos...
You wouldn't like to buy the flag they buried him in, would you?
I could let you have it very reasonable. I have it in several sizes.
MacArthur's suspenders!
The first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor. You can take your pick.
A piece of a Japanese submarine.
If you look at it this way, it becomes a German submarine,
and this way it is a piece of a shell that just missed Montgomery.
Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants,
and last but not least we have a button from Hitler's coat,
although that one I don't personally believe.
Wise guy.
It's all paid for.
Oh, boy! You said it!
By you? Not by me, it wasn't.
You don't have to give me no credit.
The guy at the end of the bar.
Was this from you?
I just happened to hear the waiter say something about six Marines and one beer
and to serve it with six straws or something.
He did, did he? Where is he?
Anyway, that was a very nice gesture, civilian.
Don't mention it.
You want General Yamatoho's tooth?
No, thanks. You could send it to your mother,
if you got one. No, thanks.
I already sent her some souvenirs.
Well, then here's to you.
Semper fidelis. Semper fidelis.
You know our motto, eh? Yeah, I know the motto.
Was you in the Marine Corps, maybe?
That's too bad, Mac. That's all right. Set them up again.
Don't you want anything else beside beer?
Well, personally, I never touch anything stronger than rye whiskey.
Seven ryes. You can use the beer for chasers.
You sure you ain't spending too fast like fancy Felix, the Craps King here?
Besides, I can't think of any way I'd rather spend my money than for Marines.
Guadalcanal. It's a great place to be from.
Well, sukiyaki. How long you out?
From the Marines? Yeah.
I was only in a month. That's too bad.
You hardly had time to get corns on your feet.
Were you wounded? How could he get wounded in boot camp?
He could've fell off a roof.
What would he be doing on a roof?
It was hay fever, chronic hay fever.
Gee, that's the worst kind, too.
It's terrible. I had a girl once who had it.
Every time you'd get close to her,
she'd sneeze right in your kisser.
It was the excitement. Well, better luck next time.
Did you try any of the other branches of the Service, like the Army or the Navy?
They'll take anything. They wouldn't take me.
I went into a shipyard. My grandmother is a WAC.
What good is that gonna do him?
I don't know why hay fever is so terrible.
It's because you never know when it's gonna hit you.
I remember one night, this dame had a bowl of noodle soup in front of her,
and all of a sudden...
Anyway, I was kind of born to be a Marine.
My father was killed in Belleau Wood the day I was born.
Belleau Wood? Almost the same hour.
All I ever thought about was being a Marine.
I took exercises. I never drank or smoked. I studied all about them.
I can tell you every battle the Marines were in from 1775 down to now.
New Providence, Fort Nassau, the second Battle of Trenton,
the Bonhomme Richard and the Serapis...
"I have not yet begun to fight."
Tripoli in 1805, Nuku Hiva in 1812,
the Battle of Hatchee-Lustee River in 1837,
Veracruz in '46, Chapultepec, the halls of Montezuma,
Panama in '85, Guantanamo Bay in '98,
then the Philippines, the Boxer Rebellion in China,
Nicaragua, Coyotepe Hill, Fort Riviere and Haiti.
Then Chateau-Thierry, Belleau Wood, the charge at Soissons, Saint-Mihiel,
and now Wake Island, Guam, Bataan,
Corregidor, Guadalcanal.
They bled and died.
They gave me a big send-off when I left home.
Band was playing, everybody hollering, the dogs barking, my mother crying.
Everybody wondering if I'd come home a general or just a sergeant like my father.
Well, it's one thing to come home with things like that on your chest,
and another thing to go home with hay fever and a medical discharge.
You mean you ain't been home yet?
I wrote I was leaving for overseas.
You shouldn't do that to your mother.
I wrote a couple of letters to say I was all right,
and I asked a kid to mail them from overseas for me.
Suppose that he didn't get a chance to mail them?
Well... That's a terrible thing to do to your mother.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You say your father was a sergeant at Belleau Wood?
That's right.
What was his name? I was at Belleau Wood.
Truesmith.
Truesmith?
You mean Hinky Dinky Truesmith?
That's right.
Why, he was my sergeant. I saw him fall!
Right then I was being born, in Oak Ridge, California.
Did you know your father got the Congressional Medal of Honor?
I grew up with it. They hung it on me.
Is that where she lives, Oak Ridge?
Who? Your mother.
Sure. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
It's an honor to meet you, kid. What's your name?
Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith.
Go ahead and laugh.
That ain't anything to laugh at to anyone who knows anything.
Boys, I want you to shake hands with Hinky Dinky Truesmith's boy, Woodrow.
Corporal Candida. How do you do?
Privates First Class Swenson...
Swenson, glad to know you.
Jones... Jones.
My name is Heppelfinger. Julius. And you can just call me Sarge.
Set them up. Excuse me. Certainly, Sarge.
I guess you never got to know your father very well, huh?
Well, not exactly, as he fell the day I was born.
That's right.
It's hard to realize. He was a fine-looking fellow.
He didn't look anything like you at all.
I know. We've got a picture of him at home and...
This is Bugsy Walewski. Pleased to meet you.
Listen, after a guy's bought you... Sure, go ahead.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
He ought to be ashamed of himself for treating his mother that way.
He never had any mother. He's from a home.
He's all right. He just got a little shot up, that's all. Nothing serious.
So, you're Hinky Dinky's boy.
I travel 100,000 miles and run into Hinky Dinky's boy.
He was a brave kid.
Not quite as old as you are. I know. I...
There was 16 of us, see, in this wood.
There'd be a German right there, and you'd be right here,
and he couldn't see you, and you couldn't see him.
Then, all of a sudden, almost right under your feet, you'd hear the...
Oak Ridge.
but isn't it kind of late to be calling somebody up in the middle of the night?
Are you sure it's important?
He did? Well, why didn't you say so in the first place, for heaven's sake?
Then Louie is lying there holding his belly. One of the kids is crying.
Then somebody says, "Let's draw lots,"
but Hinky says, "I'm the Sergeant, see. I already won.
"You'll hear them when I get there, then come in,"
and he starts through the bushes.
So, there we are. On your mark, get set... All of a sudden...
Your mother's on the telephone. She wants to talk to you.
Just a minute. What?
You mean my mother? That's right.
But how can I talk to her if I'm overseas?
You dumb cluck! Because you ain't overseas.
You just came back with us from Guadalcanal.
You're going home tomorrow.
Going home? That's right.
Go on.
Are you nuts or something?
The guy is trying to keep his mother
from knowing he ain't a Marine.
You want to make something of it? Yeah!
Pipe down!
Hello?
Is that you, Mama?
Hello, Mama.
Sure, I'm all right. Of course I am.
I never felt better in my life.
How have you been, Mama? Did you get my letters?
You did, huh? I was afraid you might have been worried.
It's very hard to get leave these days, what with the war and all.
I just got up to Frisco for this evening, see.
That I was wounded and honorably discharged from the service?
Who told you I was wounded and discharged from the service?
Then she won't have to worry no more.
Now, wait a minute, Mama, you'd hardly call it a wound.
It was more like a scratch.
It was more like a fever. Just a little fever, that's all.
Maybe it's called jungle fever, Mama, I don't know.
but I just don't see how I'll be able to get home for quite some time, Mama.
No, I'm not seriously wounded. I wish I was.
I said I wish I could come home, but I just can't make...
No, you can't do that, Mama. They don't allow visitors where I am.
Well, she must've known the Colonel or something. I'm in the wrong with him.
I can't tell you that, Mama. That's military information.
No, I'm not in jail. What would I be doing in jail?
I don't know why he said I was coming home, Mama,
but he was probably talking about somebody else.
He had several calls to make. You know how it is.
Well, of course, I want to come home, Mama. Why wouldn't I?
I'm just crazy to see you and Libby and everybody,
but this is war, Mama.
Wait a minute. Give me that phone.
I figured it all out. What are you talking about?
Like rolling off a log! Quiet!
Hello, Mrs. Truesmith? This is Sergeant Heppelfinger.
You got nothing to worry about. That's it. Right.
Look, it's bad enough to wear the uniform without having to wear this...
Now, wait a minute. Without having to wear this medal on it.
What are you talking about? I don't even remember what I got it for.
You know what he got that for?
Some Japs was roasting a pig across the stream, understand.
The breeze was blowing it all right over in his kisser,
so he went over and got it.
Boy, that was some dish. Just a hog.
I know, but... You gotta wear something.
You can't come back from the Solomons without nothing.
Not the son of Sergeant Truesmith.
I can't help it, fellows.
I just don't like the whole idea.
You gotta think of your mother.
The regulations distinctly say,
"You can wear your uniform home, but not longer than 30 days."
Suppose they paid you off in South Africa.
And you went home on foot?
They can't tell you how to go home.
You could go home on a pogo stick.
You gotta think of your mother.
The regulations clearly state...
You ain't really a Marine anymore, and, besides, the regulations is very elastic.
I was even a Colonel once for a couple of days.
And a brighound for a couple of months. Cheese it!
How are you, boys? Fine, sir. Thank you, sir.
I think we'd better go back to my room and talk this over...
Keep your hand down, and nobody will be the wiser.
All aboard!
Come on, chuck his gear on. No, no.
Will you get on that train? No, I won't!
Come on, hoist him on! No, no!
Come on, get him on! Don't make me...
No. No.
Look, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I know you meant it for the best.
I don't mind the seven tickets or anything.
I'm honored to have you go home with me.
It's just the uniform. It makes me nervous.
Well, I shouldn't go home with it, and this...
You shouldn't have lied to your mother.
I think it was for pulling a Frenchman
out of a creek or something. I don't remember.
He ought to have the Battle Blaze.
Well, I shouldn't ought to have the Battle Blaze. It's bad enough like this.
Who's gonna notice anything? "Who's gonna notice anything"?
You slip off the train. We'll kind of surround you.
We slip up a side street. Your mother's waiting on the front porch.
You put your arms around her. That's right.
You slip out of your uniform. You salt it away in mothballs,
and there you are, home.
She's happy. You're happy. Everybody's happy.
And nobody's hep to nothing.
Please. Will you please wait until I give you the signal?
Well, all right, then. Go ahead and practice.
Listen. Will you please stand not here? Go some other place. Please!
He's been away for so long, and only hearing from him twice.
And then being his father's son, you can imagine the chances he would take,
the risks he would run.
Do you suppose he knows about Libby?
I don't know, Martha.
I certainly didn't tell him.
You're engaged to me, and that's all there is to it.
I know, but it's his homecoming.
And homecoming means to find everything the way you left it,
at least for a little while.
Do you suppose he'll be heartbroken?
I don't know.
I don't see that that has anything to do with it.
there might've been three of us to welcome him.
If he'd waited two years, it might have been... Shut up.
That's what marriage is for, isn't it? I suppose so,
if you look at it from a purely unromantic standpoint like a breeding farm.
I mean, if you don't find anything soul-stirring in the return of a...
A hero. All right. A hero.
I mean, if you don't find anything heartwarming in it...
My dear girl, I tried to get into the Army by every possible means.
I even lied about my condition. I know you did.
It isn't my fault that I have...
Chronic hay fever. I know that, Forrest.
I've heard it a thousand times,
I'm forced to remind you that Woodrow also had hay fever.
Your father wants you.
He broke off with her. Her skirts are certainly clean.
I don't know anything about it, Martha.
I'm very happy for you, Mrs. Truesmith.
Will you tell him I'm going to be married to Forrest, please?
No, I won't, Libby. I think that's up to you.
Will you, Aunt Martha? Who, me? I should say not.
Well, you know it wasn't my fault. I would have waited for him forever.
He asked me not to. He told me to forget him.
He even wrote he didn't love me anymore.
Maybe you should've read between the lines a little.
I mean to say, if you think I'm gonna stand around like a doorpost...
Very well, Mr. Mayor. I'm merely the Chairman of the Reception Committee,
but as I visualize... Did you bring the keys to the city?
Yes, Father, right here.
Because I don't want to pull out my fountain pen
Why don't you let Mr. Pash arrange things?
If it's all the same to you, my pearl...
This boy Woodrow is gonna be very popular in this town, Doc.
I wonder if the same thought has occurred to you that flashed in my mind?
Probably.
As I visualize it, the ceremony began
with a little girl in white with a bunch of posies...
In her grimy little mitts. I know, I've listened to her before.
Why, she forgets her lines till rigor mortis sets in.
Very well, then, you arrange the reception.
I tell you, it's better for you to talk after Bissell.
Then you can give him the needle.
After all, I'm only the Mayor. Thank you very much, Mr. Mayor.
Not in front of the Mayor. Out on the fringe somewhere.
Why, you'd think it was a political campaign instead of a...
Did you bring the keys to the city?
Yes, Father, I have them right here.
Mrs. Noble. Call me Myrtle, dear.
if I didn't tell Woodrow I'm engaged to Forrest right away?
What? What?
Of all the confounded... What are you talking about?
Well, I mean, not to spoil his homecoming by striking a single sour note.
Of course it would be all right. I understand perfectly.
I'm not sure that I do, Mother.
That's because you're not a woman, dear.
It would be perfectly all right.
Why, under similar circumstances,
I wasn't married to your father for several weeks even.
You could make it for several months, as far as I'm concerned.
He talks that way in public, but we understand perfectly.
Now, you go right down and take him in your arms and kiss him all you like.
Thank you. I may have something to say about that.
I suppose she could kiss him on the cheek.
Kiss him wherever you like. Of all the nonsense.
Not in the middle, please. Out in the suburbs, if you don't mind.
Yeah, please. Out in the suburbs, yes.
Now, listen.
I begin with Mademoiselle From Armenties
and then I go into Hail the Conquering Hero.
You begin with Mademoiselle From Armentiere?
There'll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonigh.
Then, who plays Home to the Arms of Mother?
I do. What's your name?
Eddie. I thought I started with that.
Who is talking about Hail the Conquering Hero?
I am. No, no, no. You play...
O death, where is thy sting? We don't know that.
All we know is Hail the Conquering Herand half of Marching Through Georgia.
We were only formed last week. Now, wait a minute, Teddy.
You're going to have her the rest of your life.
This is war, you know. And you know what Sherman said about it.
Ed follows with Mademoiselle From Armenties
and modulates into Hail the Conquering Hero Come.
Eddie takes Home to the Arms of Mother and you play anything you know!
Can anybody play Let Me Call You Sweetheart?
Sure, I can modulate into that from A Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight.
and let Teddy play Hail the Conquering Hero.
Certainly, if you want to upset all of my plans!
After all, I've only had one morning
to whip this thing all together, you know.
I'm sorry. All right, play it! Play anything you like!
I'm here to help. I do it for nothing, with joy,
but I got to have cooperation. Cooperation, yes.
I sing the hymn in seven flats. In seven flats.
And he won't play in seven flats.
We don't know how to play in seven flats.
We're not musicians. You don't have to tell me.
Then, each work in your own key and do your best.
Why don't we take it... They're really very nice people.
I'm just going to take Woodrow in my arms
and hug him as if he'd never written me that letter at all.
That's a very sweet thought, dear.
Do you want me to hold your engagement ring?
It's not only my mother. I've got a girl! I mean, I did have.
What did you tell her? You was going in the Navy?
No, I told her I fell for somebody else so she wouldn't wait for me.
What are you gonna tell her now?
What good does that do? Tell her you're divorced.
I'm no good at lying!
Besides, maybe she doesn't care anymore anyway.
Is your mother a good cook?
Wonderful. Gee, you're lucky.
Well, I don't feel lucky!
Look, I tell you the whole thing is...
Supposing I should meet someone I know
We'll surround you. You got nothing to worry about.
I hope not! Oak Ridge.
Don't do that! Keep cool, will you?
What can happen? Does your mother put up preserves?
Yes! What can happen? Anything can happen!
Will you stop balling things up! Everything was clear and simple, and now...
Where is Mamie?
She's always disappearing. Well, she'll be here in a minute.
It's the excitement. Yes.
Here comes the train!
Not yet!
I didn't tell you...
What's that music? Brush you off, gents?
What's that music?
Fix you up for the reception? The reception?
I reckon it's for you all.
They got a half-a-dozen bands and all the officials.
Now, wait a minute. It's probably for somebody else.
It ain't for anybody else. It says "Welcome Woodrow."
Let me out of here! You're just gonna make things worse.
You give me that bag!
Here, open that up and let me out. I'll hide in there.
You can make my apologies.
I can't while the train's in the station.
Then I'll get off in my underwear!
Cut that out! We're just pulling in the station.
No, not yet!
No!
They got four bands. That don't look good with only one medal.
Four bands? Take that blouse off! Give me yours!
Madame, please... I didn't...
Not yet!
Cut it out! You're making a big mistake, I tell you!
You gotta think of your mother!
Come on, and take those hash marks off!
I'm telling you, give me my other suit!
All right, she's going to get in front. All right, please, that's fine.
Welcome, Woodrow.
Quiet! Please, please.
Please! Quiet! Right. We're all ready for the reception.
All right, Mamie.
Welcome, young warrior.
Your natal city rejoices at your safe homecoming
and takes great pleasure in presenting you
this beautiful bunch of del-fuminimums.
Now, you just come with me.
Mr. Noble has a speech all ready for you.
Welcome home, Woodrow.
Silence! His honor, the Mayor!
Friends, voters,
returning hero
and ex-employee of the Noble Chair Company, Seats of all Descriptions,
home to the arms of your mother...
No, no, no, no!
Quiet, quiet, quiet!
It is with a sense of deep humility
that I hail this conquering hero!
No, no!
No, no, no.
Not until I tell you, please!
I say...
Quiet!
It is with a sense of deep humility
that I welcome this young Marine.
Hooray!
Actions speak louder than words.
Here are his words!
Hooray!
From the halls of Montezuma
to the shores of Tripoli...
No! No! No!
No, no, no, no!
Hot Time in the Old Ton Tonight.One, two...
Do anything you like!
All right, boys, Mademoiselle From Armentiere.
I say it is with a sense of deep humility...
Go away!
I present you with the keys to the city!
But Mr. Mayor...
Quiet!
I do wish he'd told us he was bringing six friends.
I don't know what we'd have done if everybody hadn't been so kind.
I'll get it.
Oh, dear!
Just in case you were short, I brought over a few little knick-knacks.
That's terribly kind of you, Mr. Schultz, but I haven't a single point left.
Who asked you? It's all complimentary.
Including the points with the compliments of Schultz's market.
Why, just put it right here. Everybody's been so kind.
Boy, I wished I was a Marine. You will be.
It'll probably be over by the time I'm big enough.
From your mouth to heaven's ear.
How many Nips did Woodrow get, Mrs. Truesmith?
I'm sure I don't know, Teddy. I hope he wasn't too bloodthirsty.
And if there is anything else, the slightest thing,
when we're open or when we're closed,
Teddy will be happy to run over.
I'm bowlegged now from...
Goodbye, Mrs. Truesmith,
and I'm very happy for you.
One in the family is enough to lose.
Here they are!
I'll just have time to wash for church.
Do I look all right, Martha? Yes, of course you look all right.
Well, that's that.
That was certainly a great idea you had.
What are you talking about? Everything was lovely.
I thought your speech at General Zabriski's monument was very moving.
Thank you very much. Well, if you'll excuse me now.
I have something to tell you, Woodrow.
Well, you'll just have to wait...
Woodrow.
Hello, Mama.
Where are you going, dear? To put on my blue suit.
We'll be late for church. Then, we'll be late for church.
Why can't you wear your uniform for a little while?
You look so nice in it.
I just got through explaining. It's against regulations. He should...
I think that's perfectly ridiculous. So do I.
Your grandfather wore his Civil War uniform the rest of his life.
He kept having new ones made. Well, you...
He said it helped to remind people
Well, his case was different. Then, hurry up, dear.
Go ahead. Now, better hurry up.
I suppose that's only natural, dear, after what he's been through.
He has jungle fever, you know.
They run through the woods without any clothes on with knives in their teeth.
Oh, no, they don't at all, lady.
You're thinking of Boksok.
The Marines always dress very nice.
Of course they do. You must be Sergeant Heppelfinger.
Pleased to meet you.
I want you to shake hands with Corporal Candida.
I didn't have a chance to tell him yet. There was so much noise.
You knew my sergeant. I want you to see him.
I want you all to see him.
There he is. Attention!
Thank you.
He looks so young compared to me.
Now I have two heroes.
I have eight heroes.
You can sure put me on your flag. I sure ain't got anybody else.
I'll be very proud to.
Oh, we're going to be late.
Woodrow! Woodrow!
Now, Martha. Yes?
Sally Truesmith, you don't have to tell me how to cook a turkey.
Sure, except that I'm a haunted man for the rest of my life.
Boy, I wish that's all I ever had to worry about.
Saved from earthly taint and sin
Home, sweet home
Our home forever
All the pilgrim journey past
Welcomed home to wander never
Saved through Jesus
Home at last
And now I have a very pleasant task to perform.
Usually on Sundays I have to scold you a little,
because that is what I am paid to do,
and I try to earn my keep,
but today is a day of rejoicing.
Home from the hills cometh the hunter.
Home from the wars, the hero.
Homecoming.
What a beautiful word.
Home to the arms of his mother,
the widow of yet another hero
cut down in the bloom of young manhood.
The arms of a mother who struggled through poverty and privation
to raise her son rightly and courageously,
that he might follow in the honorable footsteps of his father.
The years were hard. Not always was there work,
and the winds of reality blew coldly against this frail woman
protecting her infant son.
She had one possession, her home.
The little white house at the end of Oak Street.
The home of heroes.
She clung to it tenaciously,
but one day she came to the end of her rope,
and a mortgage was her only solution.
I have here the document in question,
purchased by the grateful citizens of our township.
Purchased with deep respect by the grateful citizens of our township,
who have asked me to perform the following ceremony.
You will notice I have nothing up my sleeve.
Everybody's been so kind.
Very nice, Reverend.
Everything went perfect, huh?
It was a very beautiful ceremony.
Well, how do I pay it back?
Well, they should've done it a long time ago on account of your old man.
Wait till they find out. Who's gonna find out?
Woodrow, we want your opinion. On what?
On the location of the monument. The monument?
Yes. Naturally, General Zabriski has the choice spot,
What monument is that? Oh, didn't you know?
We're raising you a little monument by public subscription.
I always say it's better to do these things while they're hot.
Just something modest in granite probably.
Bronze is simply impossible to get.
It's just to our first hero of this present war.
Look, if anybody deserves a monument,
it's my father, not me! That's right.
He's on it, too. You're both on it, shaking hands.
It's called, "Like Father, Like Son."
Now, just in front of the station there's a plot,
and I thought if it wasn't too...
Did I say something wrong?
You mean you haven't told him yet?
Every time I started to, a band started to play
or they burned the mortgage on his house...
Or they raised him a statue. Well, I can't help it.
I suppose you're very proud of him now?
Well, why shouldn't I be? I grew up with him.
So did I, but I don't walk around starry-eyed...
You're just jealous.
Well, make it snappy, will you? Of course I will.
Wonderful sentimental nonsense and seven hungry men to feed.
Oh, boy!
Hey. What?
What do I do now?
Well, you just let it blow over.
Did you ever see a statue blow over?
Well, maybe you could be sort of hard to please.
They want it standing up, you want it sitting down.
They want it shaking hands, you want it with the hands behind the back.
Now... They want it in front of the station,
you want it where General Zablitzki is,
till one day they say, "Do you want it, or don't you?"
And you say, "In that case, no."
And there you are.
Well, what do I do about the mortgage?
Well, you could sort of...
Look, I didn't get you into this... Oh, yes, you did!
I was gonna hide in the... A Marine never hides!
That's what semper fidelis means. It means "face the music."
Well, it does not! It happens to mean "always faithful"!
It doesn't mean faithful to your mother at all. It means faithful to the...
You're home. Your mother's happy. Did you see that look in her eyes?
Your girl still loves you, and the town gave you a nice little reception.
I'll say they did! Boy, I wished I was in your shoes.
Boy, I wish you were, too!
I know you did it for the best, and I thank you for your good intentions...
I tell you it'll all blow over.
Everything is perfect, except for a couple of details.
They hang people for a couple of details.
What are you talking about?
I been a hero, you could call it that, for 25 years,
and does anybody ever ask me what I done?
If they did, I could hardly tell them,
I've told it so different so many times.
It ain't as if you done it on purpose. By Tuesday you'll be forgotten.
Well, I hope you're right. I know I'm right.
You take General Zablitzki, for instance... Zabriski.
All right, where did he tend bar?
That's a different case entirely.
They bought him at an ironworks
that was going out of business.
He was just a bargain, that's all.
Well, you're the only guy who knows it.
All everybody else knows is he's a hero.
He's got a statue in the park, and the birds sit on it.
Except that I ain't got no birds on me, I'm in the same boat.
Now, look. Woodrow.
Yes? Could I see you for a few moments, please?
Why, certainly.
Woodrow! Now, hurry, darling. Dinner's on the table.
And you, too, Sergeant. You come along too, Libby.
We'd be delighted to have you. Thank you. I...
Come on, Libby.
Boy, this is something. Pass some of that cheese, will you?
Now, just a little pie to fill in the chinks.
Yes, ma'am, I'll have to eat it in little pieces.
There you are.
Well, I guess the excitement kind of twisted my stomach a little.
It's the fever. No, it isn't the fever.
That never bothers me at all except...
You see? Not at all.
It's not...
Well, don't blow the house down now that we own it.
Wasn't that a lovely gesture? This is the happiest day of my life.
Woodrow, if you're all finished, would you come outside with me a moment?
There's something I have to tell you. Sure.
Here it comes. Here what comes?
I'll see what it is.
What's the matter, Woodrow?
Does he feel hot? Feel his head.
I don't feel hot. If anything, I...
Woodrow, Judge Dennis, the Sheriff, Doc Bissell
and a lot of other men want to see you right away.
They're in the parlor. What about?
They didn't tell me, dear. They just said...
They probably want to baptize a baby after you.
What's the matter, dear?
Good afternoon, Judge Dennis.
There you are, Woodrow.
Where are the medals?
The medals.
Well, I just wore those to get off the train.
I suppose I shouldn't have.
What do you mean, you shouldn't have?
If all good men wore medals,
it wouldn't be so hard to tell the good from the bad.
I guess that's right, all right. Well, I'm ready.
I guess I deserve what I get.
You certainly do. Beyond question.
Goodbye, Mama.
Who told you about it?
Well, I can put two and two together.
What are you talking about?
Aren't you gonna take me somewhere?
Not at all. We're going to do it right here.
Oh, yeah?
Woodrow, there's something rotten in this town.
I know it. That's why we're here.
I know it, but I don't see why you have to do it in front of my mother.
Then let's get down to business.
The trouble with our party is everybody talks too long all the time.
That's the trouble with all parties.
Woodrow, there's something rotten in this town.
You don't have to keep rubbing it in. I'm ready.
Nothing you can put your finger on exactly, but a kind of something you can feel.
It's like the town was selfish.
Everybody thinking about little profits and how not to pay the taxes
and reasons for not buying bonds and not working too hard
and not working at night because it's nicer in the daytime.
All things that are all right in peacetime.
Things you used to call thrift and relaxation
that made many a fortune, but things that are plain dishonest in wartime.
That's right.
The motto of this town is "Business as usual,"
but a lot of us feel wartime ain't a usual time
and that business as usual is dishonest.
That's why we need an honest man for mayor.
An honest man who will wake us up and tell us the truth
about something he knows all about.
An honest man who will tell us the truth and who can win.
We got an honest man who'll tell us the truth,
but nobody votes for him except his brother and his wife.
And I'm not even sure about her.
I have everything but popularity.
In other words, Woodrow, we want you to take Doc Bissell's place.
The right shall prevail. Right.
But I'm not a veterinary. I hardly know one end of a horse from another.
We want you to run for mayor, Woodrow, in the coming election.
You want me to run for mayor?
Three cheers for the new mayor. Hip, hip, hip...
Hooray!
Hip, hip, hip... Hooray!
You're making a... Hip, hip, hip...
Hooray! Bring him out!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our new Mayor!
First we will have a few words from Doc Bissell.
I'm going to be even briefer than usual.
You know what I stand for in this town. You know what I'm against.
Our party is fortunate in having found a worthier standard-bearer
A man who fought for you overseas. A man who will fight for you here and win!
For the good of our party,
for the good of our town and its war effort,
for the good of the United States of America,
to vote for Corporal Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith!
Before introducing the principal speaker,
I wish to point out that he appears before you not as a hero,
not with decorations
he so heroically won and so richly deserves,
but as a simple citizen, a hometown boy back home!
I need say no more of the character of this young man
than that he refused to wear his medals!
Ladles and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Truesmith!
No, no!
Ladies and gentlemen,
I wish I were dead.
You're making a big mistake!
Oh, no!
I love my mother very much.
He has a natural flair for politics.
But she shouldn't have told you I was coming home
and made all that fuss at the station.
I really don't deserve it.
Go on! You betcha!
There are many, many men,
any one of these young men, for instance,
far, far more deserving than myself.
The medals that you saw pinned on me
you could practically say were pinned on by mistake.
I want you to believe me.
I've known all of you all my life.
I've mowed your lawns.
I've delivered milk for your babies.
I even know the dogs and cats.
The milk-and-baby part is remarkable.
After that he could be president.
Nothing would be dearer to my heart than to be worthy of the honor you offer me.
I wish I could accept it.
You bet!
I'm no hero!
I haven't had Dr. Bissell's long experience with animals.
There is the man for you!
No, no, no. I thank you.
I never saw so many things happen in one day in my life.
That was wonderful, wonderful! Oh, my son. Wonderful!
That's as fine a political speech
as I've heard since Bryan and the crown of thorns.
You don't need any lessons from me, Woodrow.
If I might make one suggestion, Woodrow.
I wouldn't play down the hero part quite so much hereafter.
But I'm not a hero. Modesty notwithstanding.
They like it, you know.
Anyway, the Sergeant's taking care of that part of it.
The Sergeant's taking care of...
Hereafter? What are you talking about?
...a couple of things about Woodrow.
I don't know just how he's gonna take this.
In fact, he's so modest, I'm pretty sure he ain't gonna like it at all.
In fact, I may get quite a sock on the jaw before I'm through.
What's he saying?
Anyway, I'm just going to give you one sample of his courage
and his resourcefulness.
Good!
I'm gonna tell you how he saved my life.
What's the matter with him? He can't do that.
No, no, no, Woodrow. Relax.
We're on the beach, see, at Tanaru Bay.
All of a sudden we hear, "Here they come! Take cover!"
And out of the jungle come 200, maybe 300 Japs preceded by a hail of bullets.
I turn, and my foot catches in a...
I didn't see exactly what it was. I was kind of in a hurry, see?
But I'm stuck. I'm lost.
Now a voice says, "Keep cool, pal."
And beside me I see Woodrow!
Not yet! Not yet!
Everything is all right.
I tell you I'm not running for mayor. You're not running for mayor?
Why, you couldn't stop from being mayor of this town if you...
Don't drink that, Woodrow. Don't drink that. It's cooking wine.
Well, I'm cooked.
Zing, he got another one! Zang, another one hits the deck!
Zowie! He clubs two of them with the butt end of his gun!
We duck, and we run another little piece, then drop!
Zing, zing, and two more brown brothers bite the dust!
Now he picks up a machine gun.
But the Japs kept coming, and he kept firing.
The machine gun got hot. His hands were burning,
but Woodrow stuck to his post.
I managed to get near him,
then I got hit.
As I'm laying there, somebody pulls me to safety.
I open my eyes, and who do I see but Woodrow!
Once again, fellow citizens,
you have chosen me to be your Major. Applause.
And once again, I accept the charge.
Make that responsibility.
I accept the responsibility...
Make that deep responsibility.
I accept the deep responsibility...
No, just make that plain responsibility.
I wish you'd make up your mind. What?
And don't go so fast. I don't know how to do this.
Then, why isn't Libby here? She'll be back.
She's still getting paid as my secretary,
you know, no matter who she marries.
I mean, even if she is engaged to you.
Now, where was I?
"Once again, fellow citizens,
"you have chosen me to be your Major, applause.
"And once again, I accept the charge.
"Make that responsibility. I accept the responsibility.
"Make that deep responsibility. I accept the deep responsibility.
"No, just make that plain responsibility."
Are you simple-minded or something?
I accept the responsibility with a sense of both humility, satisfaction and gratitude.
You dictated plain responsibility. That's right!
That means responsibility without adjectives.
Jumping Jehoshaphat!
Now, where was I? Don't tell me!
I accept the responsibility with a sense of both humility, satisfaction
and gratitude.
You can't say both humility, satisfaction and gratitude.
And you have humility, satisfaction and gratitude. That's three.
I can't say it? You cannot.
I've been saying it for years. Well, it isn't correct grammar.
I'm not running on a platform of correct grammar.
I even let my grammar slop over a little, sometimes.
It gives that homey feeling, horny hands and honest hearts!
Now, where was I?
"With a sense of both humility, satisfaction and gratitude."
All right, take out humility. Leave it in.
Will you do as I tell you instead of sitting there a like a stuffed nincompoop
trying to annoy me just because your girlfriend is out with somebody else?
What? Now, where was I?
"With a sense of both satisfaction and gratitude."
And humility.
Well, what are you gaping at? Nothing.
Well, cut it out. Now...
Well, it's about time. I'm sorry.
I'll take it, Forrest.
I trust the conquering hero is home, and that's that.
Now, let's get this speech out of the way without further interruptions.
Dictating to my son is like dictating to a sponge.
Mr. Noble, before you go any...
I said without further interruptions, if you please.
If it's all the same to you. Yes, sir.
What were you crying about? You can fight that out later.
"With a sense of both humility, satisfaction and gratitude."
You can't say that. I can't say it?
Will you be so kind as to permit me to dictate my own speech?
I'm sorry. Well.
As President and owner of the Noble Chair Company,
Seats of all Descriptions,
I am to most of you... Make that many of you.
Or make it some of you. Your employer,
but as Mayor of our fair city, I am to all of you your servant.
That's a nice twist.
Mine not to reason why.
Mine but to... Do or die.
When I want your assistance, I'll ask for it.
Mine but to... Well, what are you looking at?
Nothing. Well, cut it out.
Mine but to...
What's all that hollering down the street?
It's for Woodrow. That's what I was trying to tell you.
You see, Doc Bissell and the rest of them came up...
Well, I suppose that's natural, so long as they don't overdo it.
Now... "Mine not to reason why. Mine but to..."
Hearken and obey.
Heaven knows I did not seek this distinction,
but since you force it upon me, what alternative have I?
Save your voice, Evvy. What? What's the matter?
Bissell's just retired in favor of Woodrow, the local hero.
We got a fight on our hands. You mean that I welcomed at the station?
That's right. Now you have some real opposition.
Wasn't it thrilling, Libby? Will you kindly shut up for a minute?
He was so shy and embarrassed, but at the same time so manly...
Will you kindly... You mean running for Mayor against me?
That's what I was trying to tell you. Will you...
But he can't do that with the election only two days off.
You'll have a chance to use all your oratory, dear.
He most certainly cannot. Why, that's entirely illegal.
Why, if such were the case, I mean to say, why, any loose character whatsoever
fresh from the penitentiary could come along...
Loose character, Mr. Noble?
Woodrow doesn't happen to be a loose character,
and he's fresh from the battlefield, not from the penitentiary.
That was a figure of speech. Well, I don't care for it.
Father didn't mean it the way it sounded.
Well, maybe Father did. Which side are you on, anyway?
Because I don't want any spies in my office. Father, please.
He doesn't mean that, Libby. Oh, yes, I do.
Well, if you don't want me around your office,
you certainly don't have to have me.
This is your son's fiancee. She isn't my fiancee.
When I lose confidence in people...
She's isn't gonna live in my house with me. I'll move into the doghouse first.
Then, goodbye, Mr. Noble. Goodbye, Miss Whatever-Your-Name-Is.
That's right, abandon the shinking sip... Sinking ship.
Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Evvy? You're not sunk yet.
You're very popular in some quarters.
Anyway, the whole thing is entirely illegal.
Why, his name isn't even on the ballot. It don't have to be.
He's a write-in candidate. That's what that blank space at the bottom is for.
It's to count them with... It's to put the date on.
You call my lawyer.
I'm calling him now, but you can take it from me,
this is a free country. They can vote for anybody they like.
I know, but that's how it is, and the way it is, it don't look so good.
A chance? Did you ever see a snowslide?
Hello. Max?
I guess we all are a little bit.
Talking that way about a boy who risked his life
so the Noble Chair Company can make its 12%.
"Business as usual."
The Noble Chair Company makes 24%,
just enough to cover its taxes, but he doesn't mean it, Libby.
Politicians always talk that way about each other.
Woodrow is probably calling Father an old windbag right this minute.
Well, if he is, he's right. Thank you.
I'm sorry. We all are a little upset, I guess.
You weren't going to stay on as Father's secretary, anyway,
after our marriage, so what does it matter?
What was I going to do? Stay home and weave?
Well, you might stay home and take care of your children
with the servant problem as it is.
Well, thank you for warning me. Do you mean that?
Oh, of course I don't mean it. I don't mean anything,
going around talking about people he doesn't know anything about.
You're still talking about your children's grandfather.
What are you trying to do, depress me?
If I thought they'd look anything like him...
Well, I don't look anything like him.
I've noticed that. I pin my hopes on it.
We're getting a little disagreeable again, aren't we?
We seem to be.
Maybe now that the hero is home, you feel a little differently about me.
I feel exactly the same about you that I've always felt.
That you're upright and honorable and tall and handsome and wealthy
and exactly what any girl in her right mind would hope for.
Thank you.
I just wish Woodrow hadn't come home exactly when he did, that's all.
What's he got to do with us? Oh, nothing.
It just spoils things a little, that's all. Why should it?
Or do you think I ought to offer you to him,
like the keys to the city, on a silver platter?
And say, "Here, O noble hero, it happens to be my fiancee,
"but I'm only a civilian after all, so if you'd rather have her, just help yourself.
"Don't bother to stand on ceremony."
In the first place, he doesn't want me.
Oh, you asked him, did you? I did not.
In the second place, I'm engaged to you.
I had plenty of time to think it over before I accepted you, and that's all there is to it.
A girl who went around changing her mind all the time
wouldn't be much good, I don't think.
She wouldn't be much good to me.
Well, she wouldn't be much good to anybody.
Thank you.
Where's your ring? My aunt has it.
I was afraid of losing it in all the excitement.
Oh. How did he take the news anyway?
Oh, you mean Woodrow?
How many people did you have to break it to?
Well, I didn't quite get the chance to tell him yet.
You haven't told him yet? I didn't get the chance.
Then, what have you been doing all day, basking in his glory?
I just didn't get an opening.
Do you want me to tell him? I'll create an opening.
No, I don't. Holy mackerel.
Don't sound like your father. Well, when are you gonna tell him?
Well, I'll go over in a little while.
Be sure and put on something pretty. I will.
And try not to break his heart. I won't.
Holy mackerel. Will I see you anymore tonight?
No. Well, then, good night.
Good night, dear.
Say, you haven't got any more boyfriends
in the Army, the Navy or the Marine Corps, have you?
No, dear. He was the only one.
Well, that's the war for you. It's always hard on women.
Either they take your men away and never send them back at all,
or they send them back unexpectedly just to embarrass you.
No consideration at all.
There, there, there.
...and when I say surrounded, I mean surrounded!
One for the little girl.
We want Woodrow for our mayor.
M-A-R-E? M-A-Y-O-R. What's the matter with you?
What have horses got to do with it?
It's a good thing this food came in when it did.
It's a good thing Woodrow came in when he did.
Win with Woodrow! One Woodrow Special.
Coming up. That means the best of everything.
Win with Woodrow. Now be careful. The ink is still a little fresh.
Wait a minute. He's on his feet.
He's running toward us carrying the machine gun with him.
He's fooled them, see?
Their guns began to chatter, but he reached the trees.
We're saved, and as he comes staggering...
Your mother told you not to drink any more of that stuff.
Say, am I four years old or something? You give me that...
You behave yourself and do like your mother tells you.
You made her enough trouble.
I made her trouble? That's right.
You made me trouble. You and your mother complex...
Listen, knucklehead, you take one more crack at your mother...
Who's taking cracks at my mother? All I said was...
Well, don't say it. Are you nuts or something?
Maybe.
Oh, Woodrow, isn't it wonderful? I'm so proud of you.
We're short of sugar. Oh, my boy.
There's only one...
You see that look in her eyes? Yes, I saw it.
Well, that's what we're working for, see?
Can't you get it through that thick skull of yours...
All right, you're on next. Just shoot them some bull about how you was
in a hot spot with your foot caught in a gizmo
and just when you ain't got a chance, who should come along but...
and getting me in deeper and deeper so there'll never be a way out?
They're eating it up. Let them enjoy it.
Can I tell them about me and Smitty at Tulagi?
Sure, only you gotta be Smitty, and he's got to be you,
and you both gotta come out alive. Ding how.
You're gonna win the walk, and once you're in, you're in.
Don't you understand an election based on fraud...
Where's the fraud? You was in the Marines.
Look, I didn't expect this any more than you did,
but now that it happened, let it happen.
They want heroes, we got six of them.
All right, we throw in a seventh for good luck. Who's counting?
We're doing it for your ma, kid.
They say opportunity's only got one hair on its head,
and dog it down or you mightn't get another chance.
I don't want another chance. I don't want any part of it.
Don't you understand that this is all based on lies?
What lies? You put on the wrong blouse when the train come into the station.
That could happen to anybody. The lies they're telling out front.
Every one of those boys is telling the truth, except they change the names a little
so as not to give out military information.
"Lies"!
Anyway, those ain't lies. Those are campaign promises. They expect them.
Hello, Woodrow. Hello, Libby.
Gee, you look lovely. Thank you.
You shouldn't drink too much of that stuff, dear,
no matter how much you feel like celebrating.
Are you gonna start now?
Why, Woodrow, I'm only thinking of your own good.
Well, there are too many people doing it.
They're thinking about my own good so much,
they're gonna land me in the hoosegow, if they haven't already.
Why, Woodrow, you've been nipping. I have not been nipping.
I have something to tell you, Woodrow. All right, all right,
but the less you hang around here and are seen with me,
the better it's gonna be for you, you understand?
Now, I'm telling you that for your good.
Oh, you needn't think I want to cash in on your glory.
All I came here to tell you... Who said anything about that?
All I came here to tell you is that I'm going to marry Forrest Noble
next Sunday morning at 10:00,
and the only reason I didn't tell you all day...
...was because I didn't want to spoil your homecoming.
But that's marvelous. That's the best news I heard all day.
Well, I'm glad you feel that way about it.
At least I don't have to worry about you.
Because I think it's marvelous, too,
and I hope I never see you again as long as I live.
Here's your frat pin. Wait a minute, will you?
Woodrow, you've just got to come out and address the crowd again.
They will no longer accept substitutes any longer.
I am not going out to address the crowd again.
I already told them how I felt.
I'm not running for mayor. But you are running for mayor.
But I'm not. Whether you like it or not.
You've been drafted. Can they do that?
Sure. They done it.
Listen to them. You listen to them.
Feel it.
Win with Woodrow Win with Woodrow
Let's give Everett the air
Up with Woodrow Down with Noble
Let's kick Evvy off the chair
Up our hero goes and down this zero goes 'cause we want
"You can fool all of the people part of the time and part of the..."
Where'd he go? What's happened to him?
Look, I'm in enough trouble without you turning against me.
When did I turn against you? I've been loyal to you all my life.
I... You know how I felt about you. You broke off with me.
I would have waited for always. Even so I asked my fiance's permission
to welcome you the way I thought you'd like to be welcomed.
Although I may have been wrong, I defended you all afternoon
and got fired for it by Mr. Noble... No.
...and almost broke off my engagement with Forrest.
And you say I'm turning against you. I'm sorry.
Well... Will you cut that out?
No, I won't. You've caused me enough trouble as it is
with everybody saying I threw you over
while you were fighting overseas to marry Forrest,
but I couldn't very well go around wearing your letter in my hat
telling me you'd fallen in love with somebody else, which is your perfect right.
And I'm deeply in love with Forrest,
and you have to come back... A heel.
A hero.
So, now they can say, "You see?
"It served her right. She got just what she deserved."
Will you cut it out? I've got enough trouble! You have trouble?
And how I have. I should say so.
You can have any girl in town you want, and you get a monument,
and they burned your mother's mortgage,
and you're going to be mayor, and I'm going to marry Forrest.
But you said you loved him deeply.
Well, of course I do, but what's that got to do with it?
...and down this zero goes 'cause we want Woodrow for our mayor
Libby. What?
You don't know how well-off you are.
Oh, don't talk that way. You're only going to make me feel worse.
If you knew what I heel I was, you'd be very happy.
And I am very happy, and I know exactly how much of a heel you are.
Anybody who could write a letter like you wrote
six weeks after we parted, like we parted,
you wouldn't have to tell me any more about it.
Well, I don't want to know anything about her.
Whether she's tall or short or thin or fat or blonde,
I just hope she's awful!
No, I don't.
I hope she's beautiful and that you have 10 children by her.
Is she? If you only knew.
Well, I don't want to know.
Well, I guess you have to start being grown-up sometime.
Might as well be now.
It's a beautiful night, isn't it? Great.
Are you worried about something, Woodrow?
Who, me? How could I be?
Don't you want to be mayor? Of course I want to be mayor.
I'd like to have a million dollars, too.
Well, then, of course, I don't know what it's like to be famous.
I suppose it even has its drawbacks,
but I think you'd be so proud, Woodrow, so satisfied.
I know I certainly am for you, no matter how I talked out there.
I'm gonna be famous, all right.
I was so proud even sitting beside you this afternoon.
Do you remember when we used to come here in the cool of the evening?
Naturally. I thought maybe you'd forgotten.
So much can happen in a year.
So much can happen in a day. I suppose so.
Were you surprised when they nominated you for mayor?
Surprised is not the word for it.
Oh, excuse me. That's all right.
Did you ever think of me in Guadalcanal? No.
Oh, I guess that's a pretty busy place. I guess so.
I thought of you in other places, though.
Where? Just other places.
I'm so glad. Even though it can only be a memory now.
Do you remember when we cut our initials in the tree?
Naturally. They're still there.
Why wouldn't they be? They'll always be there.
Unless something happens to the tree. I'd never allow that.
You'd be better off to chop the tree down and forget me for good.
That's why I'm so glad you're gonna marry Forrest.
Why, it's such a load off my mind.
There's no hope for Mom. She'll just have to leave town,
but at least you can say you suspected all along,
and that's why you broke off with me and married Forrest,
who's all right if you like people like that.
Then you won't get hurt, see?
Because outside of Mom, you're the only thing in the world I care for,
the only thing that matters.
Now that it's over, I want you to know that that letter I wrote
was the hardest thing I ever did in all my life.
I thought about you every night and every morning and every afternoon.
Every girl I saw reminded me of you,
and every flower, I wanted to send to you.
That's why I'm so happy, see? Because you've had such a narrow escape.
I think you're a little bit feverish, dear...
Who, me? I'm just a little bit phony, that's all. A little.
That's right. You don't have to tell anybody. They'll find out soon enough.
But I'm never gonna be mayor or anything else, you understand?
I've never been in Guadalcanal. I've never won any medals.
I've never even been in the Marine Corps really, you understand?
Oh, you've had a very hard day, dear.
Yes, but wait till tomorrow comes.
I don't think you're feeling very well.
Who, me? I never felt better in my life,
except I never felt worse. You'll be all right, dear.
I suppose you despise me now. Despise you?
How can you despise anybody you love,
even though you are engaged to another man?
I'll love you as long as I live, Woodrow, and you might as well know so now
while we still have a few moments, a last few moments...
I don't think you understood what I said. I'm a phony. I'm a faker. I'm...
You're just telling me that to make me feel better.
I am not. I'm never going to feel any better.
I'm just broken-hearted, Woodrow. I...
Wait a minute, will you? Libby, will you wait a minute?
Hey, here he is.
I almost thought you took it on the lam for a minute.
Oh, excuse me. Sergeant, will you tell Libby
I've never been in Guadalcanal or anyplace else? That I'm just a phony?
Sure, he's never been in Guadalcanal.
He's never been no place. See?
None of us have. We're all phonies, see?
Especially after a hard day,
only sometimes we're more phony than others, you get me?
I understand. He ain't running for mayor or nothing.
He just needs a good night's sleep. What're you trying to pull?
A good night's rest instead of trying to make a sucker out of the Marine Corps.
Get your arms away from me!
We all get it. You ought to see me in a thunderstorm.
Good night, Woodrow. Good night... No.
Come on, take him away. No, Libby, wait a minute.
No, you're making a mistake.
We want Woodrow.
ALL We want Woodrow for our mar
Win with Woodrow Win with Woodrow
Of all the cheesy songs I ever heard, that one certainly takes the cracker.
Down with Noble Let's kick Evvy off his chr
Feel better? No.
How can you think of food at a moment like this?
You gotta live.
Oh, it would turn to Russian dressing in my stomach. What did they say?
They say everything looks great. They did?
For Woodrow. Oh.
We want Woodrow for our Mayor
Win with Woodrow Win with Woodrow
Don't chew with your mouth open, do you mind?
I'm just a little bit irritable. I don't blame you.
Well, are you going to eat it, or aren't you?
I mean to say, why did he have to come back at a moment like this?
I mean to say, if he had to come back,
why couldn't he have come back after the election?
I mean to say, I don't want to sound unpatriotic or anything,
but a man like that belongs in Guadeloupe.
Guadalcanal. Guadalcanal.
I mean to say, in a war like this,
every man must do what he does best,
and what he does best, he does in Guadalcanal.
Save your voice, Evvy. Huh?
I mean to say, a boy like that needs exercise
and violent physical conflict to keep him fit.
Why, he'll be lost in a town like this. The quiet will kill him.
Save your throat, Evvy. You don't have to persuade me.
What I'm trying to say is... I know what you're trying to say.
I've been listening to you long enough.
Do you always eat backwards? Huh?
I mean to say, I don't even think he wants to be mayor.
Well, what does that mean?
Everybody wants to be mayor. That's human nature.
Everybody but me. With me it's just civic pride.
Why don't you look what you're doing?
I mean to say, soldiers coming back at moments like this
can upset a political balance that has taken years to adjust.
They take on an importance that completely overshadows the...
I mean to say, if you took
the seats I'm building for the Army and the Navy and the Marine Corps
and sat them side by side,
they'd probably stretch from here to the shores of Tripoli,
but I can't wear one around my neck or pin it on my bosom with a purple ribbon.
You notice they don't bring MacArthur back on the eve of a national election.
I wonder if he really is a hero?
Who, MacArthur?
Why, certainly he's a hero. They're all heroes.
And if I didn't happen to have got stuck in the Quartermaster Corps during the last war,
I'd probably have more stuff on me than you could hang on a Christmas tree.
I was talking about Woodrow. How do you know he's a hero?
Because I saw the things... That don't make it official.
What are you talking about? Don't go chasing moonbeams!
There's some things you have to accept on faith... Value... Face value.
And one of them is a hero. You can't ask him for his union card.
Then why do you suppose he took off his uniform?
That ain't natural.
Because he's home. Because he's been dismissed, or whatever you call it.
What for? How do I know what for?
Maybe he has corns or bunions. How do I know?
It ain't natural to take off a uniform in wartime.
It's just the other way around.
What are you doing there, anyway? Get me Western Union.
I'm gonna wire the Marine base in San Diego and check up on our local hero.
What's the matter with you? Are you trying to kill me politically forever?
Save your voice, Evvy. You leave me out of this, you understand?
I don't want to be mixed up in this in any shape,
form, connection or even by innuendo.
If you do this, it's completely at your own risk and peril.
I challenge his fitness as mayor,
but the one thing that I do not challenge, question or doubt
is the fact that he is a hero.
I want that definitely... Shut up, will you?
I will not shut up. Hello, Western Union?
Give me that. I won't... I want to send a night letter.
They're coming through the palm trees.
Here they come. Save each other.
There's hundreds of them. Can't you see them?
There's thousands of them!
Fix bayonets. Man the guns.
Here they come, boys. Commence firing! Follow me. Charge!
What's the matter? Oh, I don't know. I guess I had a nightmare.
You're lucky. Huh?
You're lucky you don't have them all the time like some guys.
You want some more hot milk or something?
I'll be all right.
You gonna stay there all night?
I don't care much about sleeping at night.
What's the matter now? I'm all right.
Was you looking for something?
I got it! Oh, boy!
I've got it! Everything's all right. It came to me with the sunrise.
Oh, boy.
Get set, get ready, on your marks. Oh, boy.
Hot diggity. Thank you, ma'am.
They go down a little easier with some butter on them, Mrs. Truesmith.
Maybe you haven't heard there's a war on, Sergeant.
Boy, I guess she told you.
Win with Woodrow Win with Woodrow
Good morning, all. Good morning, Mama.
Good morning, darling. I hope you all had a good night.
Well, well, how about a stack of your famous flannel cakes, Mama?
Light as a feather and put together by fairy hands.
Taste their crunchy, brunchy, munchiness. Ask your grocer.
Good morning, boys. Good morning, Sergeant Heppelfinger.
Is everybody happy?
I trust your conscience didn't keep you awake during the night.
You know, there's nothing like a well-trained conscience.
Now, you take the conscience in its wild or native form when first trapped...
What is it? What's the matter, am I unpleasant?
Is the reason for my unpopularity at last revealed as in a vision?
I was wondering if you'd been guzzling some more of that cooking wine.
Guzzling at this hour of the morning. Sergeant, you offend me.
What happened? Did somebody leave you some dough or something?
Now, wouldn't you be happy if you were about to become the mayor of this fair city?
Not large, mind you, but fascinating.
Lives there a man with a soul so dead who never to himself hath said...
Good morning, Libby.
Won't you join us in a stack of collision mats,
as they say in the good old Marine Corps, and a cup of jamoke?
Thank you.
Good morning, Mrs. Truesmith. Good morning, dear.
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning, Woodrow. Good morning.
I'm glad you're feeling better. Never felt better in my life.
Just call me Mr. Mayor.
Oh, you got over all that nonsense, then? What nonsense was that?
I mean about never having been in Guadalcanal and all that stuff.
I said such a thing? Well, I certainly understood you to.
But how could I?
I'm a great hero. People run when they see me coming.
I kill Nips with a wave of the hand. I blow them down.
I shoot them from all angles, backwards, forwards, while looking in mirrors.
I swim into the water and drown them like rats.
I pick up a machine gun and...
I got it.
You got what? He's playing Daffy Dill from Dopeyville.
Oh, no, I'm not. I invite an investigation.
I'm as sane as a Dane, and I'm going to be mayor.
Are you sure you feel all right, Woodrow? There you are, Libby.
What are you talking about, dear? I'll tell you one thing.
I certainly feel a lot better than I did yesterday.
Aha.
I'll get it, dear.
What are you trying to pull? You'll find out.
Yes? Hello. This is the Marine base in San Diego.
Is Corporal Truesmith there? Yes.
Woodrow, Marine base in San Diego wants to talk to you.
To me?
Now, whatever could the Marine base in San Diego want to talk to me about?
I'd better find out.
All ready, Woodrow? In just one moment.
Good morning, all. Good morning, Judge.
Good morning, Dr. Bissell.
Hello? Yes, yes, this is Corporal Truesmith speaking.
What's that? Oh, yes, sir, Colonel.
Oh, excuse me, Colonel, I'm naturally so excited to hear that
that I just naturally forgot who I was talking to.
Yeah. Well, don't forget to save me some breakfast, will you?
I probably shouldn't be doing this at all, and if the gang ever finds out...
Yes, sir, Colonel, I certainly will.
And I'm awfully grateful to you for calling me and for taking me back.
Thank you, Colonel, sir. Goodbye.
Woodrow. Well, what do you know about that?
Know about what? What a small world.
They're taking me back into the Marine Corps for limited service
and I have to leave for San Diego at once.
But the parade. The rally.
The mayoralty. Aren't you going to be our new mayor?
I'm sorry, Judge. The United States comes first.
They won't be sending you anywhere dangerous anymore, will they?
Well, I should hope not, after all he's been through.
It'll probably be just some sort of clerical work,
you know, like working in a shipyard
or an aeroplane factory, you know, guarding things.
Then, why don't they leave you here where we need you?
That's right.
That's one of the weaknesses of the military viewpoint.
Doesn't always recognize the importance of civilians in wartime.
Well, I'm sorry, Judge, but when duty calls, duty calls.
Do you have to leave today, dear? I'm afraid so.
You'll ride in the parade anyway, won't you?
Now that it's all dolled up and everything?
Well, sure, but I don't see what good it'll do. When duty calls, you gotta go.
Well, it might do some good.
Well, I certainly can't refuse that.
Well, I'll see if everything's ready then.
It's going to be more like a funeral march.
Can I ride in the parade with you, Woodrow? Just this last time?
Sure, if you think it'd be all right. Of course it'll be all right.
I have the right to say goodbye to you.
I'm sorry, Mama, but I just can't do anything about it.
It'll be so lonely without you.
Lay off.
Good morning. Where you been?
Who, me? I was just taking a little walk.
Since when do you forget to have breakfast?
Oh, you were just making a little phone call to that dame in San Diego.
I got you, Colonel.
Well, you know...
Hey! Why you can't...
We're very sorry, it's nothing. There's just a little feeling there.
Lay off, will you? You can settle it later.
Hey, what's the big idea?
You meant that for me, didn't you? What about it?
You think I'm afraid, huh?
Well, I'm sure glad I wasn't ever in a foxhole with you.
Let him go. You yellow...
Let him go!
Go find a woman to fight with. That's all you know how to hurt.
Come on, kid.
Parades, statues, burning mortgages... I subscribed to that.
So did I, for that matter, but I mean to say...
Save your voice, Evvy. For what? I mean to say,
I have nothing against the boy personally.
A hero is a fine thing in its place. You mean in a park.
I don't wish this young man anything but success
in what he can do best, but what can he do best?
If you ask me, I think... That is our problem.
I speak not as your candidate for mayor, but as the most humble voter.
Why don't you save your voice? Why don't you shut up?
I mean to say, this problem is not local. It's national.
In a few years, if the war goes on, heaven forbid,
you won't be able to swing a cat without knocking down a couple of heroes.
Now, are we going to be governed by young men,
very young men, however well-meaning or patriotic they may be,
whose principal talent consists of hopping in and out of wolf holes...
Foxholes. Huh?
They're called foxholes.
Talent consists of hopping in and out of foxholes
and killing hundreds of enemies with one swoop of the sword?
Or are we going to be governed by respectable civic leaders of mature age
who do not seek the appointment, but accept it as a civic duty?
I refer to men like, well, myself.
Up our hero goes and down this zero goes
'Cause we want Woodrow for our mayor
We want Woodrow We want Woodrow
We want Woodrow for our mayor
Win with Woodrow Win with Woodrow
Let's give Everett the air
Up with Woodrow Down with Noble
Let's get Everett off the chair
Up our hero goes and down
Isn't it exciting, Evvy? They'll find out whether it's exciting or not.
Hold your horses. What's the matter now?
Have you got a wire for me? Yeah.
Howdy, Mr. Mayor. How are you?
If I can just remember where I put it.
What kind of wire? Can you remember where it came from?
Well, let me see. It's San Diego. Oh, boy.
You're a big help. I'm sorry, Evvy.
Why don't you watch what you're doing?
But, then, how could he have been in the Guadalcanal?
That's just it. He wasn't. He wasn't?
No. Well, then. Then, he's a fraud, a faker.
He ought to be tarred and feathered, oh, boy!
Who's a fraud and a faker? Save your voice, Evvy.
Who's a fraud and a faker?
Your hero! I don't believe it.
You don't believe it? Come on! Now, be careful.
We want Woodrow
We want Woodrow for our mayor
Win with Woodrow Win with Woodrow
Let's give Everett the air
I wonder if this would be rubbing it in a little, eh?
It says, "Help yourself." Well, there's still plenty of time.
Everett, I just have a feeling you're going to make an ass of yourself,
and I'm just going to pretend I don't know you.
I wish you didn't have to pretend. Save your voice, Evvy.
Quiet, please.
Quiet, please!
And if the band will kindly cease for one moment,
we will be able to hear the address
we are all so anxious to hear.
Quiet.
The first speaker will be our beloved Judge Dennis.
Yesterday morning, seven Marines got off the northbound.
Six of them were strangers to us.
One, a local boy who had made good.
Yesterday afternoon,
we asked this local boy to cast his lot with ours.
You might call us the unvested or shirtsleeve interests of the town.
Shall we do it now, or let him linger? Let him have his moment.
To cast his lot with ours and lead us to victory.
I'm going to ask Woodrow himself to tell you the rest of the story.
Oh, come now.
I came here this morning to say goodbye to you,
to tell you that I have been called back into the Marine Corps for limited service,
and that for that reason I would be unable to run for mayor.
Well, I'm not going to do it.
Hooray!
You'd better save your hoorays for somebody else.
For somebody who deserves them.
Like Doc Bissell here, who's tried for so long to serve you,
only you didn't know a good man when you saw one.
So, you always elected a phony instead.
Oh, I am, am I? Well, let me tell you something, young man.
Save your voice, Evvy. You'll find out.
Everett, you're making a spectacle of yourself.
Will you kindly...
Until a still-bigger phony came along,
then you naturally wanted him.
This should have been the happiest day of my life.
It could have been.
Instead, it's the bitterest.
It says in the Bible, "My cup runneth over."
Well, my cup runneth over with gall.
This is the last act. The farce is over.
The lying is finished,
and the coward is at least cured of his fear.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think this whole thing had better be called off.
He don't feel so good in the head sometimes.
Sit down! Quiet!
Wait a minute, Sergeant.
I was born in this town.
My father was born here.
Most of this town is on my grandfather's homestead.
My grandfather was an honorable man. So was my father.
I've sold papers on the street to most of you who are here this morning.
I've known you all my life.
Your affection means a great deal to me,
and now that I've lost the chance forever,
I want you all to know how much it would have meant to me to be the mayor,
or the city clerk, or the assistant city clerk or the dogcatcher of this town,
which was my grandfather's farm.
By the same token, I would have gladly given my life
to have earned just one of the many ribbons you've seen on these brave men's chests.
If I could reach as high as my father's shoestrings,
my whole life would be justified, and I would stand here before you proudly,
instead of as the thief and the coward that I am.
I say a coward because I postponed until now
what I should have told you a year ago
when I was discharged from the Marine Corps for medical unfitness.
A coward because I didn't want my mother to know.
Well, it wasn't to save her. It was to save me.
A thief because I stole your admiration.
I stole the ribbons I wore.
I stole this nomination.
I have never been in Guadal...
I have never been in Guadalcanal or anyplace else.
I've been working in a shipyard for the last year.
I've never received medals of any description,
naturally, since I've never fought.
Two days ago I decided to come home,
and since I'd written to my mother that I was overseas,
I had to come home as a soldier.
I had to have some ribbons, so I bought some in a hockshop.
When I was all dressed up, I met some real Marines,
and I fooled them just as much as I did the rest of you.
Not that I really wanted to fool any of you. I...
I just wanted to come home.
That's as dirty a lie as I ever...
Sit down! Quiet!
Sit down!
I've told you all this because
too many men have bled and died for you and for me
to live this lie any longer.
I guess that's why I told you. I certainly didn't mean to when I came in.
I'm going home now and pack my things,
so this will probably be my last chance to say goodbye to you.
I know my mother will give you back the mortgage,
and I hope you won't hold it against her that the son didn't quite come through.
There's no use telling you I'm sorry, because
I wish I was dead.
I...
That's all.
I need some air.
If everybody will please keep your seats.
Please, please, sit down.
I just wanna tell you one thing, see.
I seen a lot of brave men in my life. That's my business,
but what that kid just done took real courage, you get me?
And now that he's shot his mouth off,
you might as well hear the rest of it. In fact, you'd better hear it.
There's six of us, see, and we got 15 cents between us,
and we're from Guadalcanal, and no fooling, what I mean!
I'll be over in a few minutes. You'd better not, dear.
You've got yourself in enough trouble. I'll be over in a few minutes.
There you see one of the fallacies...
I wouldn't want this to go any further, you understand?
...of the democratic principle.
They can vote for anybody they like.
I was never deceived for an instant,
but the poor, misguided voters,
without a brain to bless themselves with,
without a cerebellum to the carload...
Make a note of that, Jake, I'll use it. I wouldn't.
Open up their arms to... Oh, there you are.
Hello.
I'm so sorry, dear. My heart bled for you.
You have the effrontery to return?
What? Oh, shut up, Evvy.
Don't pay any attention to him, Libby.
And what do you think of your hero now?
Don't rub it in. She probably feels badly enough.
Well, she should feel badly, and if you ask my advice...
He's a sucker to even consider going through with the marriage.
I've got to see somebody outside. I don't blame you.
But I don't feel badly at all. You don't?
This is a matter entirely between Libby and myself.
And Woodrow. And Woodrow?
Naturally.
You mean to tell me after that disgraceful exhibition
you still have any interest in the hero?
I guess women feel a little differently than men do about these things, Forrest.
Of course they do.
So, if you'll please forgive me and not think too harshly of me.
You see what I told you? You walked right into it.
Why couldn't you stay here, dear?
Now that you've told everything,
nothing much more can happen.
Who'd give me a job?
If I can find a nice place someplace where we're not known,
I'll send for you and...
I know you meant it for the best.
I know you meant it for me, no matter what anyone else might think.
Hello.
Can I help you? I can manage all right.
Well, save a little room for me, will you?
Oh, stupid, stupid, stupid!
Of course I'm going with you.
I've never loved anybody but you,
and you never loved anybody but me.
You can't say it's because you're a hero that I'm running after you, can you?
Oh, Woodrow, when I think I almost lost you.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
You're crazy, honey. Then I'm crazy.
Is she on time, Mrs. Kennedy? How's that?
Is the southbound on time? Yep.
Be here in four and a quarter minutes. Thank you.
Where you going? Thought you was running for mayor.
I changed my mind. That's very unusual.
Well, this is an unusual case. How about the sarge?
I told him where you were. Go find him.
He'll be here. He don't ever miss nothing.
Hey, jiggers, the whole town is coming! What is it, a lynching?
With us here, we'll kind of surround you, see?
Yeah, you were gonna do that before, you remember?
Take it easy. Take it easy. Just a minute, Come here.
Come here. Quiet.
Quiet, quiet! Take it easy! Take it easy!
Come on, back it up, will you? Quiet!
Give the guy a little room, will you?
Thank you very much. Quiet!
You wanted to see me, Judge Dennis?
We had quite a talk after you left, Woodrow.
The Sergeant told us a few things. Quite a few things.
That you had forgotten to mention.
Naturally the nomination went back to Doc Bissell.
But he got up and said...
"Ladies and gents..." Don't misquote me.
What? I said, "Ladies and gentlemen."
Of course you did. I said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
"in all the years that I have been unsuccessfully mixed into politics,
"this is the first and only time that I have ever seen a candidate for office
"given an opportunity to prove publicly,
"permanently and beyond peradventure of doubt
"that he was honest, courageous and veracious."
That means truthful. He likes those big words.
that if to act out a little lie to save one's mother humiliation was a fault,
in other words, if tenderness toward
and consideration of one's mother was a fault,
it was a fault any man might be proud of.
Hear! Hear! Hooray!
Thank you.
I made a very good speech on your behalf, Woodrow.
Much better than I ever made for myself.
It was a wonderful speech, Woodrow.
The guy had us all blubbering.
I meant every word of it straight from the heart.
I concluded by pointing out
that if this town really wanted an honest, courageous and veracious mayor,
they had better catch you before you caught the southbound and got away.
So we came right over. That's why we're here.
I'm a little dizzy. I don't quite get what you mean.
I think they mean they want you as mayor, Woodrow.
You mean you still want me?
We still want you very much.
What do we want a soldier for anyway?
Politics is a very peculiar thing, Woodrow.
If they want you, they want you.
They don't need reasons anymore. They find their own reasons.
It's just like when a girl wants a man.
That's right. You don't need reasons,
although they're probably there.
Pardon me for intruding,
but is anybody interested in getting on this train,
or is this the Democratic National Convention?
Well, I... Of course you're not going now.
Nobody's leaving, please.
Okay, all... Just a minute, Mac.
Give me six of them tickets, will you?
We still got a little work to do in our own line.
So long, kid. Goodbye, dear.
Will you come back?
Well, we always come back before.
So long, everybody. See youse in church.
Come on there, rookies.
Save your voice, Evvy. They've just renominated Woodrow.
Isn't it exciting, Evvy?
Now the battle is on again. Shut up!
Renominated Woodrow? What on?
I don't know, but I think it's a vindication campaign.
A vindication campaign? Look out.
So long, gang. All aboard!
I don't know how to... Don't say it. It was a pleasure.
Anything for the son of an old pal.
I knew the Marines could do almost anything,
but I never knew they could do anything like this.
You got no idea.